The title "The four agreements" refers to the book written by Don Miguel Ruiz. The four agreements stated in this book are pillars for one's personal growth. The code of conduct mentioned in this book will shape our lives in a better way. Transformations in life are crucial. The author suggested four agreements to opt-in life and what is the need behind this.
- From a young age, humans are domesticated that leads to various beliefs and mindset. These beliefs are never chosen by humans ourselves. The set of rules are imposed on them right after their birth. Eliminate the old agreements with yourself.
- Parents, peers, religion all influence us in different ways and instill rules in us. We don't get a chance to decide our mother language, can't control things like attitudes or beliefs instill in us.
- Imagine a situation in which your parents or friends scream at you in anger and say things like:
you are a big fool, you can't do anything in life, you don't have any ability to do things right. In such cases, we will consider their words right for our personality. We will start taking things personally.
- What people say, do to you and think of you is their reflection, not yours. Nowadays in some scenarios, if you consider someone your friend and serve them in every possible way. They will not value your friendship and care. Instead, they behave selfishly with you. Don't take it as you are not good or worth as a friend. Their actions are their reflection, not yours.
- Make a place for new better agreements in life to reduce your suffering.
Agreement 1 - Be faultless with your words
Words are a powerful tool for humans. It plays a significant role in making labels and beliefs. Unknowingly sometimes we say things that have a great impact on our life as well as others. We just utter without giving a thought. But it can change someone's label, belief or attitude towards things and themselves. Some things to follow:
- Develop a habit of saying what you really mean.
- Don't make hard statements in anger.
- When you don't know or in doubt, keep your mouth silent.
- Think twice before you speak bad words or statements to others.
- Be conservative with your words.
- Use your words to improve your life as well as others.
- Words are a powerful tool to influence others. Be very gentle using them.
- Your words shouldn't lead to suffering for others.
- Don't hurt others if you are already hurt with your words. Sometimes silence is better than words.
- Your meaning should be very clear to the listener. Don't give them a chance to misunderstand things.
Our one word or sentence can Be careful with your words. Use them wisely.
Agreement 2 - Don't take things personally
Remember that the words and actions of others are not for you. Absolutely nothing that others say to you is about you. When someone criticizes you saying poor or ugly, it says more about their reflection of life than yours. When we take things personally, we make their thought a reality. It means you are believing them blindly. Taking hard comments and criticism is tough, not impossible. Don't ever take things personally.
- Sometimes people target you specifically. Taking things personally leads to their success.
- Taking rough comments to heart will diffuse our power to act and think. It setbacks our goals and actions.
- Take nothing personally. Don't let others cripple you in any way.
- Always remember - If you fall, someone wins.
- Life is all about forgiveness.
- Always be confident that you are good.
- Don't let others destroy you with their words or criticism.
- Sometimes our close friends behave differently with us. During that time be sure that you have always been a great friend to them. It's their mistake, belief or mindset that they are not considering it. Taking it to heart will not work. Taking this personally will be proof that their belief is correct about you. Armed with the knowledge that your actions were right on your part in every possible way. Let it go. If your closed ones are really close, they will realize and come back. If not, they were never closed to you. You were in an illusion.
Agreement 3 - Don't make assumptions
Assumptions are baseless part of life. Be aware of the things around you. Keep your focus to analyze things rightly. Listen without judgments. Done assume things by yourself. It leads to doubts, confusion, misunderstandings, and chaos. Assuming things by yourself and not communicating with the other person will be a mess for your relation.
- Courage to ask questions.
- Make things clear rather than making assumptions.
- Sometimes a stupid assumption can ruin your relation.
- We assume things rather than asking others.
- Don't indulge in one-sided expectations. It happens because we assume things rather than asking clearly.
- Sometimes people start taking friendship as love. They continue to talk, share and spend time. But they never share their feelings with the other boy or girl. They assume that it is both-sided. But that is not true. It's not the person who hurts us but our own assumptions. Instead, if you communicate openly and share your feelings then misunderstanding will never come.
Agreement 4 - Always give your best
This is the most powerful agreement. Always give your best without thinking about the results. Not giving your best leads to regrets in life. Regrets are the biggest pain. Never have one in life. Live in the present and have a death bed mentality. Give your best in everything you do.
- Best will change from time to time. Accept it and perform actions accordingly.
- Always believe that you can do whatever you have in hand.
- Ask nothing for yourself than yourself.