Secret to love - Understanding love languages

The title of the book, "The 5 love languages" written by Gary D. Chapman recommends the compelling ways of influencing our partners. It leads to a happy marriage and relationship. The secret to love that lasts is the essence for humans. Sometimes we fail to understand and make our partner satisfied with our love and attention. It affects our relationships adversely and slowly results at the end of our relationship.

Is love important?

Love is an essential need for every person at some stage in life. It brings stability and mental peace to them. Every human needs someone in his life to whom they can turn to. Love satisfies the emotional needs of human beings. Love and fear are the most dominating feelings for humans. It can make a weak person so powerful that he can make a path between mountains. On the other hand, fear can discourage a person. Love is more powerful than fear. The author mentioned that love is the need for every human to stay happy in life. Love gives the feeling of emotional and mental stability in human's life. A life with the absence of love is absurd. A person's real wealth is love. Humans require support and love for survival. Every human desire to get a lot of love from their loved ones. Love from their parents, spouse, friends, kids is everyone's strength and necessary. The author explains that every human has a love tank which needs to be filled with the love of their closed ones. The love tank needs to fill accurately to make them feel stable physically and mentally. They feel happy. But when their love tank is empty, then the real problems start in the relationships. Problems like sadness, fights, frustration, irritation, despair eventually ends love in a relation.

Understanding love languages

Every person is different by nature. As a result, our expectations and feelings about love are distinct. The main reason behind failing relationships are one person fails to understand the love language of the other person. Mostly we don't understand the other person's definition of love. The author explains the five love languages for love. Knowing the love language of your partner and choose to speak the same is a significant step towards a healthy relationship. Five ways in which people speak and understand emotional love. "Identifying and speaking the love language of your partner is the secret behind the loving long-lasting relationship."
Your partner's complaints are the primary indicators of their love language.


Words of affirmation mean something which makes your partner happy. Saying the things which mean important to your partners like How much you love them, why you love them, what is their importance in your life, what you like about them, what you don't like about them, sharing your inner thoughts and feelings. Golden words like I love you are the primary things. Giving compliments is another way of saying words of affirmation. Praising your partner motivates them at great extent. Encouraging words in a relationship makes it strong with each passing day. If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, then it's necessary to praise them and make them happy. Understand the expectations of your partner to sustain a healthy relationship. 
Sometimes people fail to identify the love language of their partner. They continue9 to do things for them. But in the end, the relationship fails. Speaking different love language than your partner's is like explaining them a totally different unknown language. Conveying small things to your partner makes them feel good. Then only then can feel your real love and care. "Sometimes your words are all they need."


Giving your undivided attention to your partner. Quality time doesn't mean to spend time at the same place. It means giving yourself to your partner. Sitting on a couch holding hands and making eye-contact, doing things together like cooking and painting, giving full attention to them. Spending time with them the way they like. Questions like what are the things they like to do together should be encouraged. Quality time makes their relationship stronger. This is the time when you both can really understand each other better. Nowadays people fail to spend quality time with each other. It weakens their relation. There are some ingredients for spending quality time. One of you wants it. The other person respects and willingly doing the same. You both are aware that you both need to express love for each other. "Your time can make your relation a better one."


Everyone loves to get gifts in a relationship. Gifts don't mean only expensive gifts. It means putting efforts in the form of a gift. Only giving materialistic things don't count for them. They want their partner to do something special for them. Small gifts like a handmade card or rose can make their day. This makes them feel loved. Sometimes your physical presence is the most beautiful gift for your spouse. Knowing what your partner expects from you and working in the same directions will help. Your thoughts behind a gift for them is all that matters. Doing small things like giving small surprises, making handmade cards, a customized gift, on birthdays or anniversaries, etc.


When someone's primary language is acts of service, they will not be happy with compliments and gifts. Rather they need your support in their work. Helping them in cooking, managing home, earning money, teaching kids, sharing their load makes them feel happy. If we choose to love your partner, then doing in a way they expect will make your love more effective and meaningful. Some people feel love if their partner assists them in every possible way. Acts of service require planning, effort, time and energy. All these acts are the expression of love. Breaking stereotypes and supporting your partner is important. A willingness should be there in order to express your love. Your actions speak for you.


 Physical touch is associated with only sex. But physical touch is the purest form of love. As mother hug for her children showing her love. Physical touch means holding hands while walking, sleeping on each other's shoulder, etc. Physical touch shouldn't be considered as doing sexual activities only. It's a way of showing your love for your partner. For some people, physical touch is the primary love language. Without this, they feel unloved. Sitting close while watching a movie speaks more for you without giving any extra time and effort. With a little touch of love, their love tanks are always full. Physical touch is the most powerful way in marital life. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary language for your spouse, discover ways to make them feel your love more effectively.